To Boldly Recap: TNG 1×08 “Justice”

The Edo can't even manscape, let alone landscape.

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

  1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
  2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
  3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
  4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
  5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
  6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
  7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
  8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
  9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
  10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.
  11. Dramatic music always informs us when we’ve hit a Plot Point.
  12. This shit don’t make a damn lick of sense.
  13. Wesley Crusher sees all, knows all.
  14. Though most Trek tech is integrated into the world building, the series is not immune to unnecessary and seemingly extraneous technocrap because it’s THE FUTURE!

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

Well guys, we’re here. The worst episode of Star Trek: TNG. It might be the worst episode of Star Trek in general, but then Voyager’s “Threshold” exists, so I don’t know. “Threshold” is godawful but it reaches a point of such absurdity it almost comes back around to being entertaining, if only to see what whack ass shit the writers are going to pull out of their asses next. I swear the Voyager writers were on something half the time. No such entertaining lunacy exists in “Justice,” however. Just hurting. Deep hurting.

Now that I’ve got y’all sufficiently hyped up for this recap, let’s begin.

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To Boldly Recap: TNG 1X07 “Lonely Among Us”

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Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

  1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
  2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
  3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
  4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
  5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
  6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
  7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
  8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
  9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
  10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.
  11. Dramatic music always informs us when we’ve hit a Plot Point.
  12. This shit don’t make a damn lick of sense.
  13. Wesley Crusher sees all, knows all.

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

Continue reading

TV Recap: Shadowhunters s01e06: “Of Men and Angels” or “Magnus Explains It All”

shs01e06-13

So this week, Shadowhunters takes a big dump all over us—an info dump, that is. Magnus and Luke answer all our burning questions, but sadly still don’t tell me when this show is going to get cancelled already.

Wait, who am I kidding? You know my ass is gonna end up recapping this shit until 2050.

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Book Review: Undertow by Michael Buckley

undertowI had read mixed reviews of this book on my GR feed, so I decided to read it and decide for myself. As you can see by my two-star review (I realize now I’ve been way too generous with these ratings. Most 3-star reviews I’ve given would be 2.5, can GR do half-stars please? /tangent)

At first, Undertow reminded me a lot of the now-cancelled CW show “Star-Crossed.” In the latter, aliens have come to Earth and are now living in camps, their teenage offspring are being integrated into public schools, and clumsy metaphors for Brown v. Board of Education abound. Of course, there’s also a forbidden love story between the human heroine and a hottie alien, and it’s insta-luv, because what other kind of love can there be when alien hotties are involved? Undertow features virtually the same conceit, except it’s sea creatures (called Alphas) instead of aliens. The Alphas have come to the surface like and are now living in camps on Coney Island, and their teenage offspring are being integrated into the local public school. Continue reading

Fifty Shades of Run Gurl Run: A movie review

I didn't want this movie poster on my blog. So have a gif instead.

I didn’t want this movie poster on my blog. So have a gif instead.

Full disclosure: I have not read the Fifty Shades of Grey books (although I did read part of the first one when it was still Twilight fan fiction). I have read Jenny Trout’s extremely detailed recaps, however, so I feel I am pretty knowledgable about the books. Yes, Jenny’s recaps are biased, as most recaps are, but she provides a significant amount of textual evidence for her conclusions, and I suspect I would have largely agreed with her anyway.

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Book review: Angelfall or “Yes, I actually read good books!”

image from amazon

image from amazon

I have to admit I don’t quite dive into positive reviews with the same relish as I would snarky ones. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because really good books leave me satisfied when they’re finished, so I’m more likely to just sit in the warm glow of happy book feelings rather than be like: Continue reading