To Boldly Recap: TNG 1X06 “Where No One Has Gone Before”

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation despite being a day late for a second week in a row, but fuck it, it’s the holidays, and I have a Gayo Daejun to recap for my K-pop blog as well. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

  1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
  2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
  3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
  4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
  5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
  6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
  7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
  8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
  9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
  10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.
  11. Dramatic music always informs us when we’ve hit a Plot Point.
  12. This shit don’t make a damn lick of sense.

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

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To Boldly Recap: TNG 1X05 “The Last Outpost”

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Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

  1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
  2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
  3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
  4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
  5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
  6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
  7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
  8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
  9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
  10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

You might remember the Ferengi from the pilot, “Encounter at Farpoint.” They were only mentioned briefly, but were made to sound menacing. I didn’t recap this, but Picard told Zorn, “Let’s hope they find you as tasty as their last associates.” Of course, he might’ve been bullshitting as a negotiation tactic, but the point is the Ferengi were being positioned as a mysterious new alien and possible big bad. Remember this, because in “The Last Outpost,” we meet the Ferengi for the first time.

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TV Recap: Shadowhunters S01E13 “Morning Star” or “Now with EXTRA EMO”

Well, here we are, guys. We’re coming down the final stretch. It’s the season finale, and as a treat to fans, Shadowhunters has brought its EXTRA EMO A-game!

Let’s bust out our cocktails for tonight’s drinking game. Because we’re all goffiks here, we’ll have some red wine–the color of blood! 🍷

Only the finest for my fabulous readers.

Only the finest for my fabulous readers.

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TV Recap: Shadowhunters S01E12 “Malec” or “One Wedding and a Funeral… For My Attention Span”

We’re coming down the final stretch, guys. One more episode and season one is over. I shall soon taste freedom.

birthday

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TV Recap: Shadowhunters S01E11 “Blood Calls to Blood” or “How to Get Away With Trying to Murder a Seelie”

Excuse this recap for being a bit late, I was busy watching youtube videos of guinea pigs leaping in slow motion.

In other fantastic news, Stitchers a.k.a.the superior Freeform crappy show, is back! And it’s on Tuesday night, meaning my bad acting and worse accents quota is now complete.

This Shadowhunters episode contains many of the same beloved Shadowhunters-isms we’ve seen numerous times in the past, so I’ve decided it’s time for a drinking game. If you’d like to play along, I highly recommend a nonalcoholic beverage unless you’ve got a hollow leg, as the Unicorner does not wish to be responsible for any alcohol poisoning.

Tonight’s episode hinges around a bit of a mystery, meaning you’d have to be completely brain dead not to see the twist coming from 39.5 miles away, which means you’re probably as stupid as the writers think you are, and definitely as stupid as Jace.

But I get ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.

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TV Recap: Shadowhunters s01e07 “Major Arcana” or “Can Someone Just Kill Simon Already?”

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Seven weeks ago, I got an urge to recap another crappy TV show. It was with excitement and anticipation that I attacked my first Shadowhunters recap, but alas, what was once entertaining and amusing has now become tedious. Or maybe that’s just the show’s plot. But I am a woman of my word, so I bring you the latest Shadowhunters clusterfuck.

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