Shadowhunters S01E02 “The Descent Into Hell Is Easy” or “All You Have To Do is Watch This Show”

Aaaaaaand I’m back with another Shadowhunters recap. Let us rejoice and be glad!

Shadowhunters S1E01 “The Mortal Cup” or “I Hope That Cup’s Full of Booze”

I’ve really missed recapping a TV show, and have been seeking out a sci-fi or fantasy series wacky, campy, or silly enough to suit the tone of this blog. The Shannara Chronicles seemed to fit the bill, but then I remembered Shadowhunters and figured I’d get more attention if I recapped that seeing as it’s connected to a figure of internet notoriety. Hey, can’t fault me for honesty.

Reign of the Fuckboys: Neither Can Live While the Other Survives

If only Queen C were writing this script.

One of my favorite things about Reign has always been its female characters (well, that and Henry sexing someone out a window). Y’all know that Catherine de Medici is love, but I’ve also grown to like Mary’s handmaidens as well. Shit, I even like Claude. In fact, the only female character I just can’t seem to warm up to is Mary herself, but I’ll get to that. As Reign moves toward the conclusion of its second season, the emphasis seems to be shifting off of its leading ladies and onto its resident quintet of fuckboys. “Tempting Fate” might as well have been named “Fuckboypalooza” although that sounds less dramatic.

Book review: Allegiant or “The Book That Launched a Thousand Wanks”

image from amazon.com

Let’s begin with a visual representation of this book’s fandom right now:

Book review: Angelfall or “Yes, I actually read good books!”

image from amazon

I have to admit I don’t quite dive into positive reviews with the same relish as I would snarky ones. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because really good books leave me satisfied when they’re finished, so I’m more likely to just sit in the warm glow of happy book feelings rather than be like:

Book Review: Insurgent or “The Extended Info-dump of DOOM”

Yup, I’m back in the trenches again.

One might ask why I read the second book in the series when I wasn’t particularly impressed with the first. Well, my enjoyment of books isn’t entirely contingent upon their being objectively “good.” Sometimes, bad books amuse me in their badness. I guess it’s the same reason I keep watching Once Upon a Time.

Top Ten Tuesday – Top Ten Book Turn Offs

OK I know I’m late and all, but you know what they say… better late than never! This is for Top Ten Tuesday on Wednesday at The Broke and Bookish.

My list is mostly in reference to YA novels, but it applies to a lot of other genres as well.

1. Insta-love So you got two leads that you know are going to fall in LUV by virtue of being the leads. However, this does not mean that the author doesn’t have to show the readers why this couple is meant2b. If a couple doesn’t have any interaction of substance, or doesn’t demonstrate any chemistry or compatibility beyond physical attraction, then I’m going to be hard pressed to care very much about them. And no, “the male lead is really, really hot” is not a good enough reason.

2. Douchebag love interest OK, I get that the whole “Bad Boy” cliché, despite being overused (in my opinion) still appeals to many readers. But I can only accept it if it’s clear that under the rough edges, the character is a good person. And as always, this is something that needs to be shown, not told. You can tell me all you want that he only does what he does to protect her or because he just cares so much (because real-life abusers never, ever say or think these things, ever), but if his actions are creeptacular stalker bullshit that would send up a billion red flags in real life, I’m not going to handwave it just because he’s really, really hot.

3. Heroine is a special snowflake I get that to an extent, being special comes with the territory of being the protagonist—after all, there has to be a reason people want to read about this person. However, the character still has to be relatable on some level. If you’re going to keep piling on the special snowflake traits while constantly reiterating how plain, ordinary, or otherwise un-special this character is, color me unconvinced. Either be upfront about writing a Mary Sue, or put your money where your literary mouth is and give this protagonist actual flaws, as opposed to “pretend” flaws that never affect them negatively or even make them more endearing.

4. Informed attributes/poor character development This one kind of ties into #3, in the sense that special snowflake-y qualities are often told, and not shown. If a character’s going to talk the talk (or in this case, have others talk the talk for them), they better walk the walk. I’m not going to be convinced of how brave/smart/kind/whatever this character is unless there is actual textual evidence.

5. Poor world building Even if you’re writing a fantasy world, it should still make sense and have some kind of internal logic. If the rules of the world frequently contradict themselves or rest on a shaky and easily-dismantled premise, it’s going to pull me out of the story every time. Building a compelling narrative on sloppy world building is about as effective as building a house on a foundation of pick-up sticks. The whole thing is just going to fall apart no matter how much work you put into the rest of it.

6. Love triangles I still contend that love triangles don’t necessarily have to be bad, if they’re well-executed and don’t take away too much from the narrative (if it’s supposed to have a plot other than the love triangle, that is). But unfortunately, they seldom are. When I pick up an adventure novel, I am not signing on for pages and pages of angst over which guy the heroine should end up with, particularly when it’s usually painfully obvious which pairing is endgame. Like, did anyone really think Bella would end up with Jacob?

7. Abuse of deux ex machina To paraphrase Anton Chekhov, if you hang a gun on the wall in the first chapter, you’d better fire it in the second or third. Conversely, if you fire a gun in the second chapter, it better have been on the wall in the first. Seems simple enough, but you’d be surprised how many novels make it obvious that the writer has written themselves into a corner and just pulled something out of their ass to get out of it. Look, I get that we all write ourselves into corners occasionally. But that’s what editing is for! Go hang that gun on the wall! There’s really no excuse.

8. Slut-shaming/girl-on-girl hate I’ve been reading YA since the 80s, and girl-on-girl rivalry is a time-honored tradition. I don’t believe that it is always a bad thing. All narratives need an antagonist, and in the world of a teenage girl, that’s often another girl. The problem is when the narrative gets super heavy-handed and nearly every other girl is seen as a rival to the heroine (usually for the hero’s attention) or a foil to make her look better. The latter often takes the form of slut-shaming, contrasting the promiscuous “mean girl” with the virginal/monogamous “nice girl.” This tendency becomes exceptionally toxic when combined with #2, which unfortunately happens quite often.

9. Offensive stereotypes Do I even have to explain this one? When every minority character (race, disability, sexual preference, etc.) is nothing more than a thinly-veiled stereotype, I’m out of there. Character tropes (e.g. the ditzy blonde, the dumb jock, the socially awkward nerd, the weird theater kids) are not so much offensive as they are annoying, but unless there’s a clever twist on those (e.g. the ditzy blonde actually has a genius IQ), I’m not here for them, either.

10. Overuse of tropes While most savvy readers know they’ve read it all before, they like to feel like they haven’t. Putting a unique spin on on classic elements will usually accomplish this. However, when a story’s sources are so transparent that reading it starts feeling like a game of connect-the-dots, that’s when I’ve got to tap out (but not without creating a drinking game for every obvious eference). In my opinion, what makes a story memorable isn’t the story itself so much as the way the author tells it. And when that way just makes readers think they liked this story better the first time around, well, I think it’s safe to say you’re doing it wrong.

I Don’t Wanna Be Forever Young: Locked In Time – A Recap

Y’all remember Lois Duncan? She was the suspense queen of the 80s/90s and her books were my jam. Her most well-known work is probably I Know What You Did Last Summer, which spawned the 90s-licious horror film starring pre-Lifetime Jennifer Love Hewitt, pre-Buffy SMG, and pre-obscurity Freddie Prinze, Jr. A lot of her other books are pretty famous within YA circles, too—Stranger With My Face and The Third Eye, for example.  However, I’m recapping one of her lesser-known books, called Locked In Time.

This isn’t the cover my edition had (I lost it a long time ago and now have an ebook), but it is the closest one google images gave me. There’s a slightly more classy-looking b/w cover on amazon, but it’s in the current minimalist YA cover style and I am nhft. Give me ’90s YA covers with paintings of teens who look about 35, kthx.

This book is actually one of my favorites. It’s also interesting rereading it today b/c the subject matter is so popular within current YA—eternal youth and beauty. Unlike most current YA, however, LiT takes a very different approach to it.

Single White Female Gymnast or Make It or Break It 3×02 “It Takes Two”

I kind of like my title better. Lacking in creativity, I grant, but at least it’s not named after an Olsen twins film.

For some reason, I find this show infinitely more watchable this season. I didn’t say good, mind you. I said watchable. I was mulling over possible reasons for it, and here’s what I got so far:

• Bigger budget. I’m not sure if you could call this show a hit, but I guess it performed well enough for ABC Fam to throw more money at it (some weirdos *cough* might have bought the DVDs, too). Whatever the reason, the sets no longer look like leftovers from an 80s after school special (can’t say the same for the writing, sadly) and the stunt work has vastly improved. Remember the pilot, when Emily threw some cowboyed flexed-footed vault that hadn’t been competitive since the early 80s? Now the stunt doubles (which still look nothing like the actresses, but baby steps) are throwing skills that actually are believable. We’ve come a long way, baby.
• Less of the boring adults. They seem to have done a nu-90210 this season and scaled back dramatically on the adults, with most of the focus on the teens. Because let’s be real, who watches a teen show for the parents? (Queen Chloe, however, is exempted from this point. I miss you, Chloe. But not enough to want Emily back).
• Less soap, more sports. I may be speaking too soon, but so far, this season actually seems to be about gymnastics (which is not to say that the athletes don’t still seem to have inordinate amounts of free time to chase after boys and pull pranks, but let’s not split hairs here). They actually seem to do other things at the gym than stand around the chalk bin and gossip, so it’s progress!
• No Emily. Because I never miss a chance to shade Emily.

So let’s get this party started.

make it or break it is back… and so am I!

Oh man and here I was thinking I would never recap this show again. But Season 3 is off to a glorious start and I am sucked right back into the rabbit hole. No, really. This episode had a BUNNY! WOOK AT THE BUNNY!

As always, this show is completely ridiculous and lacking in all realism or credibility, but that’s OK, because let’s be honest–we are not here for that.