To Boldly Recap: TNG 1×08 “Justice”

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.
11. Dramatic music always informs us when we’ve hit a Plot Point.
12. This shit don’t make a damn lick of sense.
13. Wesley Crusher sees all, knows all.
14. Though most Trek tech is integrated into the world building, the series is not immune to unnecessary and seemingly extraneous technocrap because it’s THE FUTURE!

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

Well guys, we’re here. The worst episode of Star Trek: TNG. It might be the worst episode of Star Trek in general, but then Voyager’s “Threshold” exists, so I don’t know. “Threshold” is godawful but it reaches a point of such absurdity it almost comes back around to being entertaining, if only to see what whack ass shit the writers are going to pull out of their asses next. I swear the Voyager writers were on something half the time. No such entertaining lunacy exists in “Justice,” however. Just hurting. Deep hurting.

Now that I’ve got y’all sufficiently hyped up for this recap, let’s begin.

To Boldly Recap: TNG 1X07 “Lonely Among Us”

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.
11. Dramatic music always informs us when we’ve hit a Plot Point.
12. This shit don’t make a damn lick of sense.
13. Wesley Crusher sees all, knows all.

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

To Boldly Recap: TNG 1X06 “Where No One Has Gone Before”

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation despite being a day late for a second week in a row, but fuck it, it’s the holidays, and I have a Gayo Daejun to recap for my K-pop blog as well. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.
11. Dramatic music always informs us when we’ve hit a Plot Point.
12. This shit don’t make a damn lick of sense.

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

To Boldly Recap: TNG 1X05 “The Last Outpost”

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

The Rules, you know the drill:

1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.
7. As progressive as Star Trek usually is, there’s some racist ass shit up in here.
8. TNG writers should never, ever attempt humor. Ever.
9. When it comes to distancing this utopian future from present day, holy overcompensation, Batman!
10. Star Trek is kind of a mess when it comes to LGBT representation or lack thereof.

One more thing: if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

You might remember the Ferengi from the pilot, “Encounter at Farpoint.” They were only mentioned briefly, but were made to sound menacing. I didn’t recap this, but Picard told Zorn, “Let’s hope they find you as tasty as their last associates.” Of course, he might’ve been bullshitting as a negotiation tactic, but the point is the Ferengi were being positioned as a mysterious new alien and possible big bad. Remember this, because in “The Last Outpost,” we meet the Ferengi for the first time.

To Boldly Recap: TNG 1×04 “Code of Honor”

Pour out a cold one! You assholes are gonna need it.

This episode is a mess. It’s not as balls-out stupid like “The Naked Now”—it actually has a coherent plot with twist ending—but it’s a damn mess. You will see why.

Before we begin, let’s go over the TNG rules we established in the last recap:

1. For every heartfelt and affecting moment in Data’s quest to be human, there’s way too many painfully awkward/unfunny ones.
2. The competence of the Enterprise crew varies greatly depending on plot requirements.
3. For a scifi show, some of this tech is dated as fuck.
4. Wesley is the Gary-est Stu to ever Stu.
5. Pop culture ended in 1987.
6. Though TNG is a feminist show in many ways, it has some hella sexist moments.

Finally, if you’ve decided to watch TNG and follow along with my recaps, a) congrats on this excellent life decision b) beware potential spoilers, as I may occasionally comment on developments later in the series.

To Boldly Recap: TNG 1×02 “The Naked Now”

Greetings, assholes! Welcome to the second Star Trek: TNG recap. This week, the TNG writing staff blatantly rip off a ToS episode, “The Naked Time,” plot point for plot point and do a shitty job!

To Boldly Recap Star Trek TNG: 1×01 “Encounter at Farpoint”

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Unicorner. Her continuing mission to recap every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. To seek out new lulz and new fun times. To boldly go where many have recapped before but nobody as cool as she.

For a while, I’d been wanting to recap a classic show from my childhood. It’s fun seeing how well (or not well) the show holds up over the years and the different impressions watching as an adult. Jenny Trout’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer recaps largely inspired these, so credit where it’s due.

If you are familiar with my K-pop recaps over on my K-pop blog, Ahjummas Anonymous, then you already know what my recapping style is like. For those new to the party, I cuss a lot and have difficulty taking shit seriously, so if any of those things bother you, you might want to peace out right now. I write the way that comes naturally to me, not because I’m trying too hard to be ~edgy or whatever, so I have no intentions of changing my writing style. So strap the fuck in and get comfortable, because shit’s about to go off.

TV Recap: Shadowhunters S01E13 “Morning Star” or “Now with EXTRA EMO”

Well, here we are, guys. We’re coming down the final stretch. It’s the season finale, and as a treat to fans, Shadowhunters has brought its EXTRA EMO A-game!

Let’s bust out our cocktails for tonight’s drinking game. Because we’re all goffiks here, we’ll have some red wine–the color of blood! 🍷

Only the finest for my fabulous readers.

TV Recap: Shadowhunters S01E12 “Malec” or “One Wedding and a Funeral… For My Attention Span”

We’re coming down the final stretch, guys. One more episode and season one is over. I shall soon taste freedom.

TV Recap: Shadowhunters S01E11 “Blood Calls to Blood” or “How to Get Away With Trying to Murder a Seelie”

Excuse this recap for being a bit late, I was busy watching youtube videos of guinea pigs leaping in slow motion.

In other fantastic news, Stitchers a.k.a.the superior Freeform crappy show, is back! And it’s on Tuesday night, meaning my bad acting and worse accents quota is now complete.

This Shadowhunters episode contains many of the same beloved Shadowhunters-isms we’ve seen numerous times in the past, so I’ve decided it’s time for a drinking game. If you’d like to play along, I highly recommend a nonalcoholic beverage unless you’ve got a hollow leg, as the Unicorner does not wish to be responsible for any alcohol poisoning.

Tonight’s episode hinges around a bit of a mystery, meaning you’d have to be completely brain dead not to see the twist coming from 39.5 miles away, which means you’re probably as stupid as the writers think you are, and definitely as stupid as Jace.

But I get ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.