“That was way harsh, Sasha” or Make It or Break It 1×07, “Run Emily Run”

OK so you know how I said nothing would top the epicness of last week’s ep? Well… I’m still right thus far. But this episode was pretty damned awesome. Let’s get started, shall we?

Previously on Make It or Break It: The Rock meets Denver in an epic clash of the sparkly Titans: the Rock Invitational.  When a recurring back injury flares up, Payson gets a cortisone shot and prevails over bitchalicious national champ Kelly Parker.  Meanwhile, Lauren throws the meet to spite her father, who has proposed to Summer out of guilt.  Emily tries to play hero again and fails utterly, but does supply us with one of the most hilarious faceplants in TV history.  Kim Kelly, look out.  Bitch is after your title.  Sasha boots Emily’s ass out of Nationals for going against his instructions.  Oh yeah, and Courtney Kupets guest-stars as Payson and Kelly’s stunt double.  Also, she shows more acting chops than most of the cast during her brief cameo.

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“Kissing Boys Makes You Grow Boobies!” or Make It or Break It 1×04, “Sunday, Bloody Sasha Sunday”

Oh, Make It or Break It.  After the ever-so-brief glimpse of good last week, it’s reassuring to see you back to your cheesy, cringeworthy, completely removed from reality self.  If you kept being good, I think my entire equilibrium would be thrown out of whack.  It’s like if Old Faithful stopped erupting or something.

Previously, on Make It or Break It: Sasha Belov comes to the gym and everyone’s going to eat, sleep, breathe gymnastics till Nationals.  You girls will have no life, so none of those boys and sexin’, you hear? Kaylie and Payson have declared war on Evil Lauren, while Emily works her Sue-Fu on yet another unsuspecting victim, a dude named Damon.  Kaylie gets wasted off cheap beer at a party, where Creepy Carter finds her and throws a fit.  Meanwhile, Lauren accuses Summer, her Dad’s Jesus-loving secretary/girlfriend, of being a gold digger.  Since Lauren clearly craves the attention of dodgy men, she gives it up to Creepy Carter and then steals his phone.

That’s right, kids… tonight we’re seeing a Very Special Episode of Make It or Break It.  We’re kickin’ it ’80s style tonight, in what feels like a cross between the original Degrassi Junior High and the Breakfast Club. \~/ \~/

Oh yes, we’ve got a drinking game now.  Check out the rules here.

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“You mean we have to train like normal gymnasts?” or Make it or Break it 1×03 “Blowing Off Steam”

Previously, on Make It Or Break It: Lauren catches her Dad making out with DJ Tanner and flips out.  Emily and Pizza Boy banter about her Secret Life (no relation to the show); meanwhile, she and Kaylie’s brother Leo share a moment of hand porn.  Do I sense a ~luv~ triangle coming on?  Creepy Carter is possessive over Kaylie, who finds it difficult to make time for him with her busy schedule and the whole, you know, no dating thing.  The ‘rents worry over the Rock being coachless and Houston wants Payson.  Kaylie and Lauren catfight over Creepy Carter.

What happens next?  Find out after the jump!

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